why?

first of all, let me just start out by saying that my mom celebrated a very happy birthday yesterday. we went out to dinner and just enjoyed a nice quiet evening. mom, i hope all your birthday wishes came/come true and here's to many more celebrations. i feel bad for not writing last night; my intentions were to journal the days' happenings, but i fell alseep with the computer on my lap in bed! guess i was more tired than i thought. i have not been feeling well either, so i'm sure that had a lot to do with it. i have no voice and a very sore throat...oh and today, i started with this terrible cough. wonderful!

i worked at sophie's school again on thursday and friday. that's always fun. the kids keep a person so busy so the days go by really fast. sophie was very well behaved and went about her work like i wasn't even there...good job sophie!

so, today i went to counseling, took sophie to dance, you know...just our usual saturday kinda day. however, as i sit here and write, my 82 year old nana is at community hospital's emergency room awaiting the results of her ekg, chest x-ray and blood work. she had been feeling a little lightheaded and nauseous. i would have taken her, as i was the only one home with her that could drive, but as we were getting ready to leave, one of my aunts drove up and after hearing that i was sick, offered to take nana instead. so now, i am getting updates via texts and phone calls. this waiting game is not fun. please keep her in your prayers that God touches her body and takes away whatever is ailing her.

you know, it is at times like this that one sits back and reflects on all that is important in life...and all that is not. i've said it before, but i'll say it again. life is just too damn short...plain and simple! we should be enjoying life, people that we love, things we enjoy doing. instead, for most of us, the negativity and criticisms bring us down and keep us from enjoying life. i have promised myself over and over again not to let anyone bring me down. after all, it's what i've been going to counseling for, right?! i am somebody and i matter. i want to surround myself around positive things and people, for living my life like i used to will not allow for any personal growth. this is exactly how satan would want it, but i have to mold my life in a way that God would be proud and be a Christ-like example to others. this is my personal prayer; i need to take care of me if i am to be of any good to someone else, but mostly my daughter. I just ask that at this time, you keep nana in your prayers. pray for her strength and for our family. we can always use the prayers, but need them especially now.

love to all!
c

oh how i wish...

lately, i have been wondering what my life would have been like had i made better choices. what if i had gone to a different school, what if i had chosen a different career, what if i met and fell in love with someone for all the right reasons instead of all the wrong ones, etc? you know how sometimes people ask you, "if you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?"...well my answer to that would be, with the exception of my beautiful daughter, everything. that is a no-brainer for me! i am so angry at myself for choices i have made in the past. i was being selfish and immature and i wasn't even consulting with God to see what He would have me do. can i just say that, by taking full control of my own life and royally failing at it, i have learned a very valuable lesson? as a result, i have hurt others and myself. now i find myself in a place in my life where i never thought i would be. i find myself longing for things i never had (my own house and car). yes, i know those are just materialistic things, but to be able to call something or someplace my own...well, that would make me so proud. i want to be the best person i can be for sophie and for myself. i am going to strive to get there no matter what.

on a much happier note, sophie had a great day at school today. when i dropped her off this morning, i was unexpectedly asked to stay and help in the classroom, as they were short on staff due to doctor appointments. once again, i got to experience her day firsthand and she behaved so well. i am very proud of her and i hope we can keep this up.

well, goodnight and let's do this again tomorrow!

i made dinner!

yes folks, you read that correctly. i gave nana the night off and i had dinner duty tonight. on the menu was tamale pie and a green salad. this is the second time i have made tamale pie and tonight it was especially tasty because i added more cheese this time around. i don't know about you all, but i love me some cheese! it was pretty good, if i may say so myself.

so, i heard that sophie had another rough day at school. the morning drop off went well; it wasn't until they had to come in off of the playground that the drama started. what can i say? the girl loves to swing on the swings, but when the bell rings, the fun has to end. we had a nice long chat tonight and i hope it was enough to put an end to that behavior. so hopefully from here on out, her teachers will hear "ok, i'll line up" instead of "I don't want to line up...i still want to play on the swings!" i'll keep my fingers crossed for that one. please pray for sophie to remember her "listening ears" at school.

in addition to cooking dinner, i have been on this cupcake kick lately. i don't know what it is, but they're just so easy and fun to make. i've been experimenting on different ways to frost and decorate them. i have to say that it seems like good "therapy" for me. if i had money, i would be looking for a different therapy of the retail kind. i believe the cupcakes are a nice substitute and are probably saving me a lot of money.

as i leave you tonight, i would like to request prayers for my job search and for everyone's health. i would also like to give thanks for the cool weather; i absolutely love this time of year. oak glen, here we come...well, soon anyways.

as promised...

i have a follow-up to sophie's first day at school. she did eventually settle down after about an hour (!) and then went about her work. she did her reading boxes and wrote out the words "ax", "map", "pan" and "fan". she also helped a fellow classmate with his reading. she enjoyed outside play and ate up most of her lunch. she took a good nap (she probably tired herself out with all that crying) and then woke up to work on her reading again. on the way home from school, she and my mom stopped by to pick up aunt "kiki". much to their surprise (yeah right), kiki had to stop at the grocery store. sophie must have been hungry because she requested chicken stars from carl's jr. she wanted to search the purses of my mom and kiki to see who had money for her food. while they were in the drive-thru line, sophie observed the octagon shape on the menu speaker and wanted to know why it was not colored in like a stop sign and why it said "order here" instead of "stop". ok, now she is reading random stuff like "order here"?!! this little girl is too much! well it's nice to know that her schooling is paying off. i am so proud of her and her accomplishments thus far. she is one smart cookie!

hello...is it me you're looking for?

ok, while i channel my inner lionel richie, i will attempt to update you on what has been going on in my life since our last "chat". believe it or not, i am still jobless! i knew this recession was bad, but seriously?!! i have applied for several jobs now and my cover letters to these prospective employers are starting to sound just short of desperate. aww heck, who am i kidding? they're getting there people and it's soo pathetic. the Lord is giving me a heavy duty lesson on patience, that's for sure. i know that my trust in Him needs to remain steadfast. i feel that this experience is humbling me and has given me a lot of time to reflect on my life thus far. as i approach the age of 35 this october, i feel the need for change. i have to thank a cousin of mine for this as she is doing the same in her life. you might even say that she has inspired me. her need for change (or the realization that change was necessary) came in the form of a trip to Israel. Although a trip to Israel would be very life changing and awesome, i personally don't NEED it in order to realize the need for change in my life. Each of us have done things or said things that we aren't necessarily proud of. a mistake is defined as "an error in action, calculation, opinion or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc." The way i view mistakes are all that and more. My life mistakes have been life experiences that have taught me so much. if i had not made these "action errors", i would not have even realized my personal need for growth...yes, even at the age i am at now. my failed marriage, my choice of [some] friends, negativity (both given and received), even my need to love and be loved came with a hefty price. i have learned that life is just too short and i would rather surround myself with more positive influences/things. for now, i am at peace and am at my happiest being a single mommy. sophie has filled a void in my life and the joy she brings me is so overwhelming at times. sometimes i feel like i don't deserve this joy, but it's what God knew i needed. i love to spend time with her; in fact, this past week, we spent a lot of time together as her school was closed in preparation for the upcoming school year which started today. it started with a trip to san diego. while we were down there, we saw michael buble in concert and made a trip to the san diego zoo. oh and if you are wondering who "we" is, it's my nana, mom, one of my aunts, sophie and myself. we never get away for a vacation, so this little weekend getaway was a much needed and very enjoyable treat! a good time was had by all. of course, our week would not be complete without a trip to my home away from home...disneyland!!! that is my happy place; the place i go to in order to get away from it all. some people can't understand why i frequent that place so often, but when i'm there, i can forget about all my worries and frustrations and just enjoy who i am along with my daughter. we also ran little errands here and there and started back to dance after a little break. in all that, we also made sure we had time to just stay home and relax. during this time, sophie developed a really bad cough and sore throat. the latter of the two eventually went away, but that stinker of a cough is still lingering. i hope she recovers from that soon. i really dislike seeing/hearing her sick. it breaks my heart! well, i guess that's all for now. i'll try to write later and let you all know how sophie's first day back at school went. she had a rough morning when i dropped her off, but i'm sure she settled down eventually and had a good day (fingers crossed!). for now, i leave you with this:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change;
courage to change the things i can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
~Reinhold Niebuhr

one step closer...

so i recently found out that i passed the initial screening for a position with the courts...yay! i now need to take a typing test and a basic clerical assessment. my appointment is next wednesday, the 30th; please keep me in your prayers that all goes well. i really need to go back to work.

two for the price of one

this may be a record...two posts in one day, but i just had to share this news. i received an e-mail stating that i had made it past the initial screening process for a position i applied for with the courts. please keep me in your prayers as i move to the next step, a typing test and basic clerical analysis.