lately, i have been wondering what my life would have been like had i made better choices. what if i had gone to a different school, what if i had chosen a different career, what if i met and fell in love with someone for all the right reasons instead of all the wrong ones, etc? you know how sometimes people ask you, "if you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?"...well my answer to that would be, with the exception of my beautiful daughter, everything. that is a no-brainer for me! i am so angry at myself for choices i have made in the past. i was being selfish and immature and i wasn't even consulting with God to see what He would have me do. can i just say that, by taking full control of my own life and royally failing at it, i have learned a very valuable lesson? as a result, i have hurt others and myself. now i find myself in a place in my life where i never thought i would be. i find myself longing for things i never had (my own house and car). yes, i know those are just materialistic things, but to be able to call something or someplace my own...well, that would make me so proud. i want to be the best person i can be for sophie and for myself. i am going to strive to get there no matter what.
on a much happier note, sophie had a great day at school today. when i dropped her off this morning, i was unexpectedly asked to stay and help in the classroom, as they were short on staff due to doctor appointments. once again, i got to experience her day firsthand and she behaved so well. i am very proud of her and i hope we can keep this up.
well, goodnight and let's do this again tomorrow!
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